maligned mary poppins

it happened again. i pissed someone important off... by being myself. i thought it was a fluke when i got 'let go' from working at Tippy in the summer of 2006. but it happened again. i got 'let go' from volunteering at UpTown Arts.

it was the same story... they didn't need me, they found someone else. but underneath the technically true pulsed the same vein of extreme dislike. it sounds paranoid, but i am not kidding. it is the same personality type: women who are used to being in authority over children, who have a 'tried and true' method of being very stern and demanding so that the kids 'know who's boss.' unfortunately that's not the way i handle children, and the change in method is disturbing, disruptive and seems to challenge authority. these women also have a vindictive streak in them, and both times the lot has fallen on me to be the one blamed, dispised, corrected, and even yelled at.

i am excellent with children, and working with my fourth and fifth grade artists has been one of the highlights of this past year. to be fired because i was not good at teaching or helping is one thing, but being cut off, with no warning and no chance to say goodbye because of a personal dislike is quite another.

so, what is it? it could be my exuberance. my tendancy to stray from the beaten path. an example?

once, in order to get the kids down the stairs single file and quietly, we played a follow the leader type game, where as leader i kept one hand on the rail and then moved my free hand up, down, in the middle as we walked slowly down the stairs. it engaged them, kept them quiet, in one line and concentrated on what they were doing, as opposed to running down the stairs, bumping into one another or being noisy. as we got to the bottom of the stairs i was proud of myself for getting them to behave so well, and i turn around and get scolded by Lois for playing games and endangering the kids. she hadn't actually observed what i was doing, only glanced, assumed and charged ahead. i could tell you forty more things, but surely you get my point.

i am confident in myself, and it shows. perhaps this is the most frightening thing of all, to those who wish to exert as much power and control as possible.

to the Rebeccas and Loises i will meet later on in my life, i say, watch out. you can't slow me down, and you won't stop me from helping kids out.

and they all lived happily...

*le sigh* here i am. it's almost three weeks into working my 4th co-op in cincy, and i feel a little... floaty. stuck between here and there. i am back from the greatest adventure of my life thus far and am now living out the "ever after" part.

i often complain about movies that don't resolve every plot line and character completely. i want to know everyone's story until it wraps itself up to my satisfaction. i'll admit it: i love flicks like legally blonde, where each character is frozen at the end and we get to read about their "ever afters."

i am a big believer in fairy tales. you'd think i would have gotten over that after having so many of my own personal dreams smashed up, but some people never learn. there is something that entices every person in the theory of a "happily ever after."

wikitionary informs me that happily ever after is an idiom for 'Living happily until death.' Typically associated with fairy tales... there's also a list of "ending phrases" in other languages, including:
Spanish: Y vivieron felices y comieron perdices (and they lived happily and ate partridges)
Finnish: ja he elivät onnellisena elämänsä loppuun asti (and they lived happily till the end of their lives)
German: und wenn sie nicht gestorben sind, dann leben sie noch heute (and if they have not died, they are still alive today)

at the tender age (or so i am told by my elders :P) of 21, if i were at any other college i would be in the midst of my senior year, looking ahead to graduation. of course i chose the difficult route... at any rate, my peers are at this stage, and so many are making HUGE life choices that are determining their ever afters...

my personality is largely a mix of impatience and optimism, so naturally i am eager to join the rank and file of Growing Up. Graduation. Engagement. Wedding. Real Job (wait, i already have one of those...). House. Babies...
babies???

why is there such a procession to our 20's? i don't know. i have been asked if i am Ready For All This. i am not sure. i don't know what will trigger the switch in my brain that will magically transform me from flutterbudget to unflappable. there is a good chance it will never completely happen.

i want to live happily ever after, for the rest of my days... but i don't know why that can't be now. not necessarily in the way the rose-coulored daydream found in my picturebooks wants it to be... but it is possible, i think, to be happy... even if my life path strays somewhat from the norm. that's basically the story of my life.

and that is what i am focusing on today. and tomorrow. until i can one day look back and see how my happy ever after ended up.