blogger burnedout

Keeping two blogs is a pain. It is summer in Cincinnati, and I had forgotten the good and bad that comes with this season. Last summer I was traveling the world, and the majority of my time was spent in the reasonable climate of Denmark. We have been so far blessed with few majorly disgusting days... but it's only the beginning of July, and time will tell as the months plod ahead.

The good news about Cincinnati - Clifton in particular - is that it quiets down. It's too hot out to be noisy, and the majority of students are home for the summer. There are only the few, the proud, the insane, who choose to go to school in the summer and winter, and spend the nicer seasons in other climes, on co-op.

I am on my last round of co-op, that is, six months of working. It seems it is the beginning of the end. I finally turned in my 132 page book of research for my senior project. It all seems to be coming together... I know that in six months I will not feel so sure of myself. But for now, my brain only operates in the 8-5, and the rest of the time, I am free.

I had big plans for where I was going to be this summer. Turns out the reality is absolutely backwards of my original intentions. However it plays out, I know it is for the better. Life (God) always tends to work out like that.

Slowly but surely, I am growing up. My passions are beginning to vary. There are some things right now that I am really missing... a lot. One of these is camp. I have chosen to take almost a week off to travel with Nick and his friends to Charleston, and there's no way I can take another week. I missed Trailblazer camp anyway, which is my favorite age group. The kids are old enough to be taken seriously but young enough to be goofs. My fear is that next year will be entirely different, that no one else that I grew up with will come back. A wild thing inside me wants to work at camp all next summer. It won't happen, but I will definitely be there a week. Maybe three - to make up for the years I missed.

My friendships are changing. My life is on the cusp of big changes. Being a part of the mini-celebrity that is twitter and (other) blogging is exhilarating and exhausting. It may help me to get a job in the future, and will definitely look good later on. It is such a commitment, though... and I fear the retributions on my real relationships - Nick does not appreciate when he plays second fiddle to my BlackBerry. I don't blame him one bit, and am trying to be more sensitive of the time I spend around people. Can you imagine a future where no one speaks outloud, but dinnertime conversation is texted around the table?

The horror.

I've become more interested in living things, that is, my food and where it comes from. The frugal mother-genes inside me wept in dismay as I walked into Clifton Natural Foods this afternoon and plunked down 20$ for local eggs, organic garlic, onions, yams, and some other things that don't spring to mind. It is hard, but I know it is worth it to spend good money on good food. I was comparing cake mixes today at Bigg's (yes, this evening was a veritable shopping extravaganza) and willingly handed over the 4$ when I compared the ingredients (and caloric content!) of the organic cake mix to Betty Crocker. Ridiculous.

At any rate, I highly recommend you pick up a copy of Animal, Vegetable, Miracle as soon as humanly possible, or at least try to go see Food, Inc. It's important.

It's too late to be typing, but, don't worry, ye who bother to read this blog. I'm still around. Actually, I'm a phone call, text, tweet, facebook message, or even car ride away. And I am always glad to hear from you. So, if you're afraid it might be awkward... it won't. Or, if it is, that's okay too. Because I'd rather have an awkward conversation than no conversation at all.

I love you. Good night.

palm sunday. i'm all a-Twitter...

so today i am going to go to church for the first time in a very long time. i am really scared/freaked out about this. my most recent 'church' experiences have been, shall we say, rather negative. i still have anger and hurt inside of me about this, and it causes me to resent God. however, when i faced myself with the question "Jenny, are you still a Christian?" i had to go with "yes." because despite all the bad and the hurt, underneath there is the good that used to be.

i remember the height from which i have fallen, and i'm sad down here. so... here goes nothin'. :P

also, i started a new blog. it's more "professional" - i am in the process of peddling the furniture project i did last quarter for retail sale. in order to get noticed, ergo the blog, LinkedIn, an Etsy store (to come), and Twitter.

if you're on Twitter too, you should follow me. I'm "recycledbin."

new blog: http://arecycledbin.blogspot.com

i'm not linking back to here because this is my personal blog for my personal thoughts and opinions. the other one is more of reviews, stuff going on in cincinnati, and the progress of my entrepreneurial skills. so, check that one too, because it's interesting. and because you love me.

xoxo,

jenny

time for an update!

sorry to everyone who's been rereading my incredibly depressing previous post. it was important, but the time for grieving has come and gone. there's no time now! there's hardly time to write a blog post, but i'm waiting for my iTunes to fix itself, so...

phew. i am lighting specs, an exam and a furniture project away from finishing winter quarter. normally i would be headed on my way to co-op somewhere far far away, but due to a random string of events, i am actually double sectioning and will be returning to school in a week and a half. boo. then i'll have six months without school in summer and fall. then another six months of school this time next year... then i will FINALLY GRADUATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(i'm a little excited)

but first i have to get there. i've been uber stressed out with school and getting ready for next quarter, but nick keeps reminding me to slow down and enjoy it. he's right. i'm never going to design a redbull eyewear store or melt plastic bags in furniture at work. well, the odds are pretty small, anyway... so i might as well live it up now!!

school's been the main thing on the horizon. i sure am looking forward to spring break. i won't exactly be on a break, because i need to work on stuff for my senior project... but a break from classes and chance to see family will be good.

alright. another more thoughtful post sure to come next time. so, stick around, devoted readers! (all... four of you.. :D)

xoxo
jenny

stream of conscienceness: memories

always, with the episodes. i don't know why they were called episodes anyway. one day you have a healthy, happy dad and the next he is confined to his chair, vomiting up the gatorade you gave him 20 minutes earlier. yellow puke bucket. iv stand we used as roller skates later. blue chair, and highlander on tv. he was a different person, during these episodes. same daddy underneath. so physically pathetic, but mentally strong, ashamed to be weaker than his little girl.

two weeks before, i played a gold medal at ISSMA for violin. wore that dress mom made me. a scratchy collar. everyone was so proud of how well i did. we went out with friends in bloomington after. laughing, chatting, eating. then all of a sudden the call. spending the night at sara rather's. two, three nights in a row.

pacing outside the hospital room. smells like old, sick, drugs and cleaners. i didn't want to be there. i was bored. bored.. and scared. too scared to go see him. too scared to even talk on the phone. as a consequence, neither did katy. my baby sister did not say goodbye and it is my fault.

friday. art class. mrs. adams. the voice clicked over the intercom - holding something back. i knew it was for me. i knew why i was going down to the office. running down the hallways. it was a dream.

the rest is mush. everyone streaming in and out. lasagnas. family. holding. tears. get her out of the house. she doesn't want to be cooped up with everyone here. kaleo.

i spent this friday night in a room full of strange teenagers. adolescents who had never heard of me. kids who would later turn out to be some of my closest friends. amber was the only familiar and safe place. i sat on the couch closest to the arcade, with inpursuit pictures above me. bridget was just two or three girls down. how was i to know she had lost someone too? i don't even know what mike said, but it triggered a steady stream of tears. no stares. no awkward pauses or glances. just hugs. acceptance. a crowd of middle schoolers, loving on a broken heart.

it changed my life.

not that life was magically better afterwards. i got two brown stuffed animals. a moose from JR and a giant bear from my whole class. that thing was eventually encrusted with snot and tears. i don't even think i sent a thank you note. it was the right size for holding and hugging and it got me through the next year. chocolate was so soft - the moose. i collapsed in JRs arms, and sobbed. the front row of FBC franklin stained wet with my ungrateful tears. bear on one side and JR on the other - two pillars holding me up. i couldn't do it myself.

days turned into months. the cards stopped coming, people stopped asking. it didn't go away. IT DIDN"T GO AWAY. nights when i would walk into mom's arms.. crying like a child for no reason other than emptiness. mom couldn't lock the door at night for a long time - i had to do it. it was the last thing he did before going to bed - how could she take on that job? how did she bear it? how did she watch the love of her life get taken from her? to not just die but deteriorate... my biggest fear.

ten years. what have you missed, dad? Y2K. freshman year. driver's license. my first car, second car, and accident. my first boyfriend - you would have approved. my second boyfriend - you would have killed him. proms, ductape and non. graduation. art school. just the every days. the camping trips. the sunday suppers. you weren't there to give me tips on how to handle myself in the city, or which beer tastes best. i can barely remember your voice.

all i have are baby pictures.. and a picture in fourth grade. family portrait at grandma's. mom and katy are smiling, but you and i have the same expression - a stern gaze. my arms are wrapped around your neck, i'm standing; you're sitting. we know it's not a happy time. you were sick. you were skinny and hurting. the camera. it didn't fool me, or you. the resemblance is uncanny.

daddy, did you miss out on all these things? were you there all along? can i believe in angels and hallmark greeting cards?

i am so glad that you chose mom. that you had katy. they are the reason i am here. we are stronger now, as a family. we never forget you, but if you had lived, would we be the same? would we appreciate each other as much? or would i be a vapid, self centered rich girl with no idea what heartbreak and loss truly is?

being incomplete helped to complete me.

Darrell Lee Kessler: died Feburary 5th, 1999.

how could i keep my mouth shut today?

i know that rainbows and moneybags aren't going to magically fall out of the sky (though that would be SWEET!) but i am not ashamed to tell you that i feel like today brings hope for our country.

it makes me sad knowing there are a lot of people who are unhappy today. they are angry and they don't have any faith in the new administration. they have every right to feel that way... but i hope their perception changes as things start to fall into place.

granted, he could totally screw everyone over. maybe tomorrow we will wake up to a new fascist regime. prophesy really isn't my strong suit, but i'll let you know if any people in red start a-poundin' on my door.

my day has been pretty awesome so far. my first class (conservation/development in developing countries) was canceled in honor of inauguration - my professor worked with ann soetero (barack's momma) back in the early 70's when he was in Indonesia.

lighting class started off with cupcakes (happy birthday kristen!!) and a 5/5 quiz, then ended early as we all ran upstairs to watch the inauguration on a 50" monitor in the DAAP cafe. however, because everyone in the whole world was trying to watch the inauguration online, the connection was really goofy, and we saw feed of Rick Warren praying while someone was singing God Bless America. after trying desperately to get laptops to work, corrie, marlena and i decided to make a run for it.

we ran/quickly walked down the hill to corrie's house and turned on a real TV. sometimes those things really come in handy! we missed the oath, but caught most of his speech. and that was all i needed.

history has been made. and i was a real live part of it. i donated money, stayed (too?) informed, volunteered, and talked anyone's ear off who would listen to me for more than 5 seconds... not to mention voting, obviously :)

it sounds hokey, but now i really feel like 2009 has started. the year brings with it lots of challenges, but i feel strong enough to meet them. maybe.

the funny thing about life is that somehow, everything always gets done. even if it appears to be impossible, it gets completed somehow. i am holding on to that promise.

this next year and some is going to be a crazy ride. i'm nervous about a lot of things: finishing this quarter, finishing (starting?) my portfolio, getting a job, getting my programming starter pack done before next quarter, ... the list would get longer, but i'm sure you get the drift.

despite my busyness i am still having fun with friends and family. it was great to see mine (and nick's) family this weekend: saturday was a belated Kessler Christmas, and sunday was celebrating Anne's birthday. monday was a great vacation day, and i enjoyed an excellent meal with excellent friends last night. sunday dinners make my life so much more enjoyable.

for now, that's what i'll continue to do: be crazy busy, with lots of fun thrown in the mix.

ttfn, that's Ta Ta For Now!

-jen

ketchup.

i've got on fuzzy socks and am listening to a manheim steamroller christmas. add in some christmas cookies and watching movies with my fam, and it's a recipe for a lovely christmas eve.

so this is christmas. what have you (i) done? another year over. a new one just begun.

this is an attempt to sum up each month in 10 words or less.

2008!!

january: winter quarter begins. sunday dinners. crazy snow. begin practice.
feburary: first lead role. never ever home. roommate tension. augh finals!
march: got a job!!! rocked at studio. start emersion. ahhh, co-op.
april: summer planning begins. co-op goes well. just hangin' around...
may: 21st birthday!! miss friends far away. NYC wedding.
june: saying goodbye sucked. three musketeers start their euro-adventure!
july: denmark = amazing. meeting new friends. crazyness. i miss nick.
august: ah, bavaria. 1 year anniversary. love it but miss home.
september: home. HOME!!! home. home. home. HOME!!! start co-op.
october: luke n leia. keep on adventuring. goodbye, Uptown. baby Nathan!
november: giving thanks. loving family. start Radio show!
december: school's starting soon! finish co-op. glad for home.


it was a little abbreviated, but that was my year. good times and bad times, for sure. but mostly good. i love knowing that i am growing up.

now, back to your regularly scheduled programming. and if you have 45 minutes, watch this!

http://www.drhorrible.com/mushortio.html

another openin'...

for those of you interested and around, i am in "It's A Wonderful Life", the radio drama (yes, the radio drama!) at the Falcon Theatre in Newport, Kentucky (just across the River from Cincy, down the street from the Levy)

*ahem*

Those coming to see Falcon Theatre's latest production: "It's a Wonderful Life: A Live Radio Drama" may not recognize the Monmouth Theatre, at least as they're used to seeing it, when they step into the building on 636 Monmouth Street in Newport. This is because Ric Young and his able cast and crew have designed it to be nothing less than a step back in time.

Mr. Young, an experienced veteran of radio dramas, has written, directed and acted in several productions over the years and one, "The Greatest Gift" featuring Dale Hodges, was named the Program of the Year by the International Association of Audio Information Services (IAAIS) in 1999.

In this current production, Young wanted to capture the look, the feel and the sound of a LIVE radio broadcast from 1945. "When the audience enters the lobby of the Monmouth Theatre they will be walking into the broadcast studios of WFAL", says Young. "The ushers, ticket sellers, concessionaires and technicians will all be dressed in the period clothing of the 1940's."

Once the audience is inside they will witness technicians, a director, an announcer, singers and an organist all preparing to go "live" with their broadcast.

Playing key roles in these positions will be "real life" radio announcer, Bill Keeton, who has numerous radio credits to his name. David Levy, an experienced sound effects veteran from Playhouse in the Park, will be providing the unique sound effects in the style of those used in the early days of radio. The organist/pianist, Beth Mizer, will be playing tunes in the form of original music penned, specifically for this show, by Alan Masters.

According to Artistic Director Ted Weil, "this is the first time we've completely transformed the theater into a venue that will put people in the moment of the show's time period from the minute they step foot in the door." "We've spared no detail and if people look closely they will notice that even the wall calendar will read December 23, 1945."

"It's a Wonderful Life: A Live Radio Drama" performances will be at the Monmouth Theatre at 636 Monmouth Street (just 4 blocks south of the Levee) in Newport, Kentucky. Performance dates are December 5, 6, 12 and 13 at 8:00 p.m. and December 7 and 14 at 3:00 p.m.

Tickets are $15.00 for adults and $12.00 for students and seniors.

For ticket information and reservations:
513-479-6783
www.falcontheater.net

********************

I am one of the 'Jingle Belles': basically, I sing the commercials and thru the intermission, and help with background voices. It's a fun little show, and will be over in just two weeks, before school starts again in January. I had to scratch my itch... :)

The audition really caught my attention, because I LOVE radio. I grew up listening to Prairie Home Companion, and my family made it through road trips with The Green Hornet, the Shadow, the Lone Ranger, and Amos and Andy. It's truly a lost art, and I couldn't miss the chance to actually participate.

There is a chance they will be recording it and broadcasting it later on the radio. If this is true and I find out when (and if they have internet streaming) I will let you know :)

Facebook invites just give me false hope, so if you wanna come, come. I'm doing this one just for me.